When I started blogging, I thought that I will write about my confused mind. But since I do occasional blogging, I decided to update about some significant events in my life. Although recently, I have started feeling about some things quite strongly and wanted to pen down them here. This is one of those thoughts which I have devoted quite a while and it still intrigues me. I will only mention the thought and wont try to force a point of view as I myself is not aware of what is right and what is wrong.
A week back, Teji Bacchan, mother of the superstar Amitabh Bacchan died after prolonged illness. The media, as usual did their hoopla over this very personal affair of the Bacchan family. I happened to see one of the news coverage in which the news reader was constantly stressing on the fact that Teji Bacchan was very proud of her son Amitabh. Suddenly I felt a sense of déjà vu. This was not the first time I was hearing people talking about parents being extremely proud and happy about their children’s achievement. Teji Bacchan, herself an amateur actor, is better known as the wife of literary genius Harivansh Rai Bacchan and mother of Amitabh Bacchan. Was it sufficient for her to be known because of her distinguished husband and son ? Or for that matter, is it sufficient for any father or mother to be satisfied with the success of their children ?
Thinking about it casually, the argument seems banal. The whole perspective depends on person to person. Also, achievements of one’s family members add to the happiness from her/his own achievements. But when I look around, almost all parents are concerned about their children’s achievements, their career has definitely taken a backseat. Though I have also seen the trends changing with parents becoming more and more career oriented, but I am sure at the back of their mind, they must be thinking still about their children’s performance.
I will try to put forth my points more objectively and present two different view points. Though I am quite young and questions concerning parental care should not be bothering me. What intrigues me though is the sudden change in the outlook. People, fresh out of colleges, are raring to go and want to make a mark of their own. But as soon as they settle down, things become altogether different. I agree that the number of responsibilities increase tremendously, but why does their career take a backseat ? Is it that the increased responsibilities force them to change their priorities ? Or do their minds evolve in a different direction at that particular stage of life ? At this point, it is hard for me to imagine that I will ever stop thinking about my career with the same excitement. But looking at every one around me, it seems inevitable.
The second line of thought which fascinates me is the sense of achievement parents get when their daughter/son achieves something. They feel that they have conquered the world and have made their life count. I agree that they will be the happiest to see their children win because they have put in a lot of hard work to make their children capable of performing in such a competitive world. Is this sense of achievement indirect ? Or this is a pay-off of their hard work that they have invested in their children ? Whenever children achieve great heights, I hear parents saying that they have got everything that they ever wanted. Is it really true ? What about their own career and achievement ? In all my arguments, I have tried to develop a case where achievement means success in your own career because I know that the success of their children is one of the biggest achievement that parents always dream of.
Kya unhe sab mil jaata hai ?
IT'S TRUE THAT PARENTS FIND THEIR HAPPINESS IN THE SUCCESS OF THEIR CHILDREN AND THEY HAPPILY SACRIFICE THEIR LIFE AND CAREER FOR THEM.BUT THE THING IS WHAT MATTERS MORE,A JOB TO EARN A LIVING OR LOVE THAT U GET FROM FAMILY? CAREER IS NOTHING, BECAUSE WHEN U WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO DO UR JOB THEN WHAT WILL MATTER 4 U THE MOST WILL BE UR CHILDREN AND THE RESPECT THEY SHOW TOWARDS U."KHUSH HUM TAB HOTE HAI JAB MANN MEIN KOI KHWAISH NAHI HOTI AUR JAB MANN SHANT HOTA HAI ..HAPPINESS IS NOT MATERIALISTIC IT IS INDEPENDENT OF EVRYTHING ..AND IF IT IS NOT ,THEN IT'S NOT HAPPINESS ..IT'S JUST THE SENSE OF BEING CONTENDED.SO HAPPINESS IS NOT OUR CAREER OR OUR FAMILY BUT THE STATE OF MIND WE LIVE IN....AT THE END OF THE DAY ,BANK BALANCE WILL BE LEFT BEHIND,WHAT WILL WALK WITH U WILL BE YOUR FAMILY AND THE FEELING THAT YES U WERE THERE WHEN UR CHILD TOOK HIS FIRST STEP,WHEN U HEARD HIM SAY "PAPA",WHEN U TOOK HIM TO SCHOOL AND THE DAY WHEN U SAW HIM BECOME A GRADUATE.HERE UR HAPPINESS WAS NOT UR CHILD BUT THE FEELING HE GAVE U.
ReplyDeleteHi Varun,
ReplyDeleteI must be a surprise visitor to your blog but none the less, I did happen to stumble across it and read this post of yours.
The issue is grave and much more involved than we think, and as with you, my little expirience does not allow me to comment on issues of parental care. But as of now, I do believe that the lives that our parents live is sacrificial in a superhuman way. I can only worship it, but cannot live it. But however happy they seem with our achievements, i do believe that they do crave for theirs. And when they realize that its too late for that, one thing they want out of watever is left, is proximity with the people they have devoted their life to, ie their children(which they rarely get). No wonder they're not as happy. That they never let us know about it, is another issue.
But if we go to the other extreme, we would be talking about an average family in western world, say America. Now thats not a great picture either.
Having said that, I would stress that every family is different, and their members have a different way of relating to each other.
Happiness largely depends on how well they communicate and care for each other. There would always be expectations that would remain unfulfilled, dreams that would remain dreams,and physical separations that would be inevitable, but if we care about it enough, we can always come out with a creative way of our own, to make us and our families happy.
Also, of late, I've started to believe that a great career is not necessarily synonymous with a great life, and so however hard we are trying to make the former, we should always keep in mind that ultimately we wish to achieve the latter.
cheers,
Hemant
:)
people want different things at different points of time in their life - so yes, priorities change. as the saying goes - "change is the only constant"
ReplyDeleteparents who are working, want a good career for themselves AND also want their kids to do well - demands/wishes/wants are unlimited you see!
wants always increase, never decrease...unless one is moving closer to moksha...and i'm nowhere near that for now!!
any accomplishment gives happiness - don't we feel happy when the cure for a deadly disease is found, or India wins a match or our state ranks first in IT friendliness or our housing complex wins the "most well maintained society" prize...similarly when our family members and narrowing down even more - kids stand out and achieve...
another set of folks who have not been able to achieve on their own for whatever reason, look at their kids and dream that they will be able to fulfill their ambitions - so they focus their energies there...
such is life!!
what thoughts!! :)
ReplyDeleteit never even occurred to me to think about these things...may be because they are not existent in my life. sure, my parents did a lot to get me to where i am but there wasn’t a question of they not focusing on their careers, if careers you can call them. my father practices medicine at his own clinic and my mother runs her own school. they weren’t after a career as such that they could sacrifice. again, each individual situation will be, am sure, very different from the next.
you can never know for sure how much of your dreams/ambitions you would forgo in the effort to put your offspring's wellbeing and success before everything. one can only have this vantage point once he gets there. to empathize at this stage is something that i cannot do, nor can many, easily.
for example, sometimes when my mind jumps into the future, i see a child, my child, happily provided for, but there is no question of me sacrificing my career or anything in this mental picture my mind conjures up. don’t get me wrong - neither am i saying that my career is so important that everything else is secondary nor am i saying that i will not sacrifice my career if that can ensure that my child succeeds. i just don’t see why they should be on a collision path, one out to get the other, your career vs your child's career/success.
shouri
an amazing line of thought indeed, never thought of looking at this side of the coind, I feel that after with responsibilities parents tend to find their on success in their children's. To look at it in this way that the success of their children is the goal for the parents, they make sure that nothing becomes an obstacle. So the children's success is the achievement of the dream of the parents and they feel elated for it. It's a success for both the group, a goal which both of them have pursued simultaneously. The difference being the goal directly benefits the children.
ReplyDeleteThis blog indeed holds much grounds especially in India,but the world today is witnessing the drastic change in the scenario. The time has now approached wherein entity matters a lot and neither parenthood nor age can refrain individual from chasing their well crafted dreams.
ReplyDeleteParents are due diligent and pre - cautious abt how to frame, modify and shape their careers along with their personal lives moving at smooth pace.They as much enjoy their baby bumps as any other professional achievement which meets their way.
The probable expenses , time , resources all are exclusively thought upon and worked out.
But this is all about the time now. But for the generations elapsed, they had different line of thoughts.Therein "family first" was so deeply engraved and imbibed in minds that undoubtedly kin held the Numero Uno position in one's life. The gratification of offspring and their wants held superior importance than fulfillment of self wants. And nothing wrong in that either.
Probably our progeny eventually becomes the superior priority in our life with the lapse of time.
Not too sure while commenting on this since yet to experience the things but i am aware that it’s an unknowing and involuntary act of most of the parents to view their enhanced mirror image in their kids.
And this particular quest and the positive outcome hence make them say
"mujhe sab mil gaya"
wow. you think a lot. anyways. read all your posts today... so this will be a general comment. First of all let me compliment you on your growth as a writer. Your writing skills seem to have improved in leaps ad bounds. Well done. Second, i will not be able to give any views regarding the topic in question cause i am in no position to talk about either my own career or my future children's. Will get back to you after thinking about it. :)
ReplyDelete